It is tricky to define a ‘large family’ precisely. However, for most of us our family starts to feel a tad on the biggish side once we have more than one child to manage! As our second child turned out to be twins, I found myself dealing with three children under the age of two and started some serious research into how mothers manage large families. Ten years and five additions later, practical tips on ‘large family management’ are blurry, but the themes remain. There is a danger that we heap burdens on one another by becoming too smitten with our own exact way of doing things. I have more confidence in general principles that stand whatever our family make-up and can be thrashed out a thousand ways in the nitty-gritty. Bear with me while I number my top three
1. The Principal of the Sovereignty of God.
Most of the perceived problems of how to manage a large family are rooted in the idea that we cannot give each one of children the full amount of attention that they require. For most of us there is only one time in our lives when we can consistently give one child our full attention and that is with our first child. We need this time because motherhood can be overwhelming and this is our chance to figure out what we are doing! Once subsequent children are born, it is unlikely that we will get this time again, but this does not mean they are suffering for it, nor that we are failing. God knits our families together and appoints the sex and birth order of our children. It is more uplifting to consider how each child is advantaged rather than disadvantaged by their particular position in our line-up!
My oldest child has, with great pride, embraced the role of ‘official guinea pig’. We have had a LOT of false starts as I have experimented with a thousand whimsical ideas, curricula and rearrangements of our day. As far as I can tell, no serious damage has been done! He embraces whatever I throw at him and takes it upon himself to give me curriculum feedback! He has survived life with stricter, stressier parents and he has also thoroughly enjoyed being the pioneer. My middle children reap the fruit of having an older sibling to pave the way somewhat and have also profited tremendously from caring for the little ones in lives. Our four-year old twins walk a well-trodden path with perhaps not as many highs and lows, but with a mother who is not only more chilled out, but who has whittled out much of the irrelevant and learned to focus on the important.
2. The Principle That the Lesson of the Day Might Not be Maths!
There are a variety of views amongst home educating families as to the value of academic work. As for our family, we place a high value on education. We follow the classical model and desire that our children learn with excellence. Nevertheless, there are many days when the most important lesson to be learned is not from the whiteboard. When the state of the house does not honour God (!) we take a day off bookwork to blitz it. If the sun is shining and the grass needs cutting, we cut the grass. On days when peace and harmony do not reign or when mummy is tired, we cancel ‘bookwork’ because something else is more important.
With nine of us in the house, we have a large number of relationships to work on and we also need to keep on top of a lot of mess. Chaotic relationships and a chaotic house and garden are a hindrance rather than a help and sometimes the priority needs to be straightening out these things rather than hitting the Maths books. Once we start to think of education as broader than academic work, we see God’s hand in knitting our family together in such a way that these lessons will be learnt.
3. The Principal of Seeking Wisdom from the Lord Rather Than from the State.
We need to work hard to remove the school system from our system. Children in government schools are divided up according to age, learn academic subjects alongside their peers and follow the national curriculum. Applying this sort of wisdom to our home educating families is likely to result in a certain amount of frustration.
The home educating family is free from all these constraints. The Lord has given each family certain resources (money, ability, time) and it is our duty to seek wisdom from God as to how to apply and use these ‘talents’ in the most God-glorifying manner. If a curriculum really does not work, we are free to switch it or even to ditch that subject completely for a while. If we have a bunch of children who are all different ages, it is still possible to teach subjects such as science and history en masse (although our expectations for each child will vary). Prayer reveals to use how we can pair children up according to ability for some subjects. Prayer even shows where we can find those precious ten minutes each day for a spelling lesson (if that is what our family requires).
As we navigate life with large families, it is a comfort to know that the one who knows the number of hairs on our head (Luke 12:7) also knows the number of children in our arms. Not only that, but the one who knit our families together will never leave us, nor forsake us. (Hebrews 13:5)
