Why am I so easily offended when my children don’t learn a new fact the first time that I teach to them? Somehow it feels like an insult when I have to explain that 3 to the power of 4 means 3x3x3x3 for the seventeenth time. It is as though they are questioning my whole philosophy, my teaching skills, my desire to give the children a Christian education in the home, our above-average family size and generally everything about our lives… all because my children ask me to clarify some maths or they misspell a word, or they don’t find my excellent biology lesson all that interesting. I always learn stuff the first time you teach it to me.
Ok. Sometimes I might need to hear it a second time. Fair enough, I OCCASIONALLY need to be reminded a few times but I would much rather hold my children to a higher standard than I hold myself.
Somehow it is all too easy to take personally my children’s need to actually be taught. Rather than working with patience, I find irritation and frustration can flare up. These emotions can be very counterproductive. Have you ever tried to learn a new skill when your instructor is becoming exasperated with you. I find I am so busy fielding the emotions of my instructor that I cannot concentrate on mastering the task at hand. I sometimes wonder whether by taking offence to our child’s need to be taught we forget one critical point: education is about leading our little ones out of the darkness and into the light. Education is not about making them mum feel good; education is an act of mercy.
Mercy Offers Help
Those who are truly merciful reach out with concern to help those who are in misery. Have you ever come across a child in your home who is genuinely sobbing with frustration over a Maths problem? What does real mercy do? Mercy doesn’t berate and scold; it shows pity. Mercy sits down with the child and takes a few moments to break down the Maths problem and figure out what concept the child has not understood. Mercy tries to find a way of teaching so that the next time the child meets the same problem in a different format, that child may have the tools available to tackle the problem herself.
Mercy recognises that we have strengths and weaknesses. Where we are strong and have the advantage over a child (for example we have understanding where our child does not), then mercy recognises that our child is in darkness and reaches out its hand to lead our children into the light.
Mercy Offers Comfort
For some of us (myself included) the fight in home education is not to measure its value by academic success. When a child aces a Maths lesson, grasps some grammar or writes something beautiful I am tempted to believe that all is going well. When my child needs reminding how to spell a word for the umpteenth time, or forgets the formula for the area of a triangle or yet again misplaces a capital letter I start to wobble. When faced with my child’s genuine struggle I am tempted to make the situation all about me by becoming panicky and irritable rather than seeing the need that my child has of comfort.
When a child consistently struggles in one academic area then what does comfort look like? It means helping her to see the bigger picture of her own strengths and weaknesses. We cannot all be incredible at everything! Comfort might mean reassurance that hard work is a good thing. God looks for diligence and the normal way by which we master an area is by working hard! What a wonderful opportunity to practise! Comfort may mean providing a child with the opportunity to play to her strengths at a different time. Maths might always be somewhat of a struggle but it is only a small part of the day! There are still many hours left to explore the areas and hobbies where she might excel!
Mercy Offers Prayer
Jesus says, “whoever gives one of these little ones even a cup of cold water because he is my disciple, truly, I say to you, he will by no means lose is reward.” (Matthew 10:42). I often reflect that the greatest good that we can do for our children is to pray for them. Yet somehow, it is easier to literally give me children a drink of water than it is it to pray for them. For myself, I somehow have the mental block that prayer only “counts” if it takes place at the crack of dawn, on my knees and lasts for at least an hour. Obviously, this never happens! But prayer may be as simple as pouring a cup of cold water. It can open and close a lesson. It can seal the time when a tearful child has needed comfort. It may be the deep breath we take as we prepare ourselves for lesson that we know often leads to a clash between child and mother.
The Blessing of Mercy
There is a blessing, of course, in showing mercy. We may well lack intellectualism, power, charisma, beauty or material wealth but every mother can show mercy to her child and Jesus pronounces those who show mercy to be blessed.
“Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy” (Matthew 5:7)
