Most people have some sort of routine to the day or to the week. We know which days we go to church, have regular meet-ups or do the shopping. We know when mealtimes need to be ready, which bits of the day are for opening the books and when the family gathers together for devotions. There is even an ebb and flow to the year. Birthdays are regular. We know more or less when newborns are going to arrive and when our holidays are planned. My question is whether we ladies have factored in the hormonal swing that hits us every few weeks? All women deal with hormones at some point, and for many of us there is some sort of regularity to it. Yet, more often than not it hits us (and our families!) like a truck, taking us unawares and leaving a trail of tears and frustration in its wake!
It may feel particularly hard for a home educating mum in that our children are with us pretty much all the time. There is no gritting our teeth until we have packed them off to school. Squabbling and mess that might pass us by on the good days can feel like the final straw on particular days of the month. However, if our lives are to honour the Lord, this includes the time of the month when we feel least able to do so. This is something I have mulled over for a long time and here are a few practical pointers that may be of help.
1. We Desperately Need Some Time With the Lord
This is preferably before the children wake up (this doesn’t apply to the mother who is up all night with a newborn – just try to open your Bible when you can. Those days are not such a distant memory that I can seriously suggest early morning quiet times after a long night feeding babies!). We need to cry out to God in our weakness for the strength that only he can provide.
2. Big Decisions Are Best Deferred Until Sunnier Spirits
Now is not the time to pack home education in, to switch curricula, to bring up difficult issues with our husbands or even to mess around with your regular routine. Major decisions should be made from a sound mind and not as a knee-jerk response to a sudden wave of emotions. If in doubt, we carry on as we were. On these occasions, routines are an excellent servant because we know instinctively what to do next in the day, saving us from the added stress of making lots of minor decisions.
3. We Keep Talking to a Minimum
If we cannot speak to anybody in our house without lashing out or snapping, then the best thing to do is to keep as quiet as possible. It is not worth the damage to relationships.
4. Just Because We Feel Miserable Does Not Mean That Everybody Else Has To!
Think about it: on Sunday morning at home there may well be some tense moments getting the team out the door. However, we go to church, put a smile on our face and nobody will know the events that happened on the way to church! My point is that we can intentionally behave well in a given situation. If we can put a smile on at church while we are low, then we can, to a certain extent, do the same thing at home.
5. We May Well Need to Let Somebody Know
There is nothing wrong with telling our spouse or a close friend that we are feeling low and asking for supportive prayer. This can be done very calmly and kindly without placing the blame on a person or a situation.
6. Good Nutrition and Early Bedtimes Are Important
If I am really struggling through the day, I just plan to try and keep smiling until 7 o’clock when my little ones are in bed, then I get in bed too (with a good book!).
7. We Need to Learn to Expect the Times When We Are Prone to a Surge of Hormones
These could be a few days after a newborn baby has arrived, our monthly cycles and during menopause (I am told!). I remember having a number of extremely low and tearful days after the births of my first four children. Then somehow I was expecting it with my fifth child and that day never materialised. Expecting it takes it for as it is – a hormonal swing that most women go through rather than the fault of everybody who is close to me.
8. End the Home Educating Day Early
It is better to pack up the books for the day, give the children a snack and send them out to play than to persist with a lesson that is ultimately damaging our relationship with that child because they are bearing the brunt of our hormones. In the long run, they probably won’t remember that they skipped afternoon lessons every once in a while. They probably will remember that general atmosphere of our homes.
Let’s give thanks to our abundantly gracious Lord Jesus Christ who was tempted in every way, just as we are and yet was without sin. He knows our struggles and forgives us when we stumble and fall. We may feel that we have ruined our day and the day of all those we live with, but our God is faithful and his mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:23-24). Praise God that there is an end to every day and we can try again, with His help, tomorrow!
